Standing at a Cross Roads

For almost two years now, I have been wanting to fully write and publish a novel.  Sadly though I must say that I feel a few essential things are missing.  I certainly don’t feel that I’m lacking any ideas for a story that I’d like to write as a novel since I have several notebooks that have various ideas summarized in them.  I’ve even gone as far as writing the first few chapters for some of them, totaling over 50 pages in a number of different stories I’ve started writing.

The fact that I have over 50 pages written across various different stories that I’ve started illustrates my two biggest flaws as a writer: my lack self discipline and my indecisiveness.  I have a hard time writing on a consistent basis; usually only writing for about 3-4 days and then not going back to it for a few months.  Despite this lack of being able to commit myself to writing on a more regular basis, I feel like this is the biggest problem since I feel like this lack of self discipline I have is actually caused by my indecisiveness.

If I had a story idea that I was really passionate about, I feel like it wouldn’t be too hard to commit myself to writing it from start to finish.  I know it would probably be hard at first, but eventually I would eventually develop the discipline to write it on a regular basis so long as I am passionate about it enough.  Of all the story ideas that I have written down so far, the two that I really feel strongly about is a story about a female college student who leads a boycott and a strike against a coffee shop franchise, and the second story is one that chronicles a prostitute’s adolescent life  and all the unfortunate events that lead her to prostitution.

Both of these different story ideas have their own inspirations.  The first idea which I titled “An Honest Working Girl” which I came up with this past summer as a sort of  modern-day take on Upton Sinclair’s “The Jungle” since I read it this summer.  The second which I titled “The Prostitute Diary” (since some of the story is narrated from passages in her diary) is actually an idea that I came up with a long time ago, after I first saw the music video for Ed Sheeran’s song “The A Team,” which in fact is a song about a drug-addicted prostitute itself.

Between these two competing story ideas that I have I feel as though the easiest one to write would be “An Honest Working Girl.” After all being a seemingly underpaid franchise worker with practically no money is something that I certainly have plenty of experience with which has also contributed to my inspiration for the story.  As for the other story, prostitution is obviously a subject that I’ve had no experience with and especially not the other issues that the story deals with, such as rape and drug addiction. However I also feel like this is the most necessary story to write.

Unfortunately though I feel “The prostitute Diary” is the most necessary story to write, I’ve also had several doubts about it as well.  My biggest concern is that I’m afraid of  possibly offending or upsetting someone since the story deals with several subjects that I don’t have much experience with.  However despite this concern I still feel that of all my story ideas that the story of a prostitute’s life from adolescence until she unfortunately ends up in prostitution is the most necessary to write, and for several reasons too.

First of all though I have said that rape is not a subject I’ve had much experience with, I have had several friends who have unfortunately been rape victims themselves, and it profoundly disturbs me sometimes when I think about how they have has such a terrible thing happen to them.  I even used to feel a deep sense of guilt after parting ways with some of those friends.

I know I can’t change their pasts and I know I alone cannot stop rape from ever happening to anyone else, but I also know that I can possibly change the minds of a few who think rape isn’t such a serious issue by showing them some of the worst things that rape can eventually lead a person to since their is in fact a high percentage of prostitutes have been victims of sexual assault before (according to Prostitute’s Education Network, at least 75% of prostitutes were sexually or physically abused as children).

I also hope that in writing the unfortunate story of a rape victim who ends up in prostitution that as difficult and as possibly daring as this task may be, that it will also encourage other young men to take on similar extraordinary actions to take a stand against rape, since I would imagine that writing a story about a rape victim that becomes a prostitute is not something that most people would expect a young men such as myself to write.  So if I should decide to write this story out of my many other story ideas, I hope that I am successful enough to get it published as a novel, that hopefully it will gain some notoriety, and that above all it will get  those who are indifferent to realize what a severe issue rape really is, and that it will encourage other young men and other people to take a significant stand to prevent this terrible crime from happening some day.

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